What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 10:46
And i lived it daily.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
How are max different from medical and minimum security prisons?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
If atheists are so positive that there is no God, where is their proof that He does not exist?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Put me off passion for life!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I have no regrets .
Why did my ex-narcissist move so fast with his new supply marriage engagement moving in, etc.?
We were not on the streets..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I write beautiful poetry .
Shouldn’t there be a short porn platform like TikTok?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Who is the greatest light welterweight boxer of all time?
When she asked me how she looked .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But it wasn’t much.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was very sick at this time too.
Can men enjoy receiving anal sex?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
What are the main issues that have historically and currently divided Republicans and Democrats?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I couldn’t, believe it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why don't people like Nickelback?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We all went to grammer schools
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I could never make a relationship work though!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was scared of men, in general
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But, we were locked up after school.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He knew the spot.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
All the time i was locked up.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I don,t even have a pension.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She was in good health!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
This is soul school!.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I think the readers, may guess!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I waited trembling.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One cannot live in the past .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So, i spoilt her more .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I will be 64.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My family never makes their pension either.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She married twice! .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
What did i know ?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
(And it was in our own minds.)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Would this be the day?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So whats the point in blame.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She wouldn,t have been !
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She loved him until the end.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My life is so biszare .
I was 9 years of age.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But ive been too sick for many years..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Comes on , in middle age.
I was seconnd youngest,
Im still living with it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Ive learnt so much.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She found it foreign!.
I said to her
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Who then, do I blame.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Especially a lifetime of it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!